Grief is different from depression, with huge implications for someone going through the process of a divorce. With any divorce comes loss. The sense of loss can range, from a sad readiness to move on all the way to a deep and shocked bereavement for a valued partner. Even when a relationship has been unfulfilling for a long time, there is the loss of the dream of happy partnership that originally brought you to marry your spouse. Grief at the loss of a marriage and longer-term depression (perhaps related to the marriage or not) can exist at the same time.
Depression and grief share some features and are frequently misidentified. In both, one might experience disruption of sleep and appetite, tearfulness, fatigue, and difficulty engaging in work and life. It is essential to note the differences: grieving is more acute, sporadic, comforted by the presence of others, leaves intact a sense of self-worth, and can energize one into action to protect oneself and loved ones. Depression more often results in feeling a suppression of energy, fixed and flattened emotions, social isolation, impairment to general health and loss of sense of self and worthiness.
The distinction between grief and depression is especially important during a divorce for several reasons: Grief and depression effect our mental clarity and decision-making in very different ways. Yet, divorce is a process that demands that decisions about some of our most important issues (child rearing, finances, homes and possessions) be clarified and codified. Decisions at this very emotional time may shape your life in years to come. While grieving, one can at times experience pleasure, involvement, and be moved to make constructive decisions about the future. Depression, especially when it involves isolation, self-loathing, general impairment of thinking, and an inability to experience any pleasure, can result in passive and poor decision making.
The implications for treatment are important. Grief is never really escaped, but it can be mollified by support of friends, family, and community resources (divorce support groups are very helpful here). Depression can be immobilizing and, in the worse cases, fatal.
Professional help, usually involving both medication and psychotherapy, is essential. If you suspect that you or a friend is depressed, insist on a medical evaluation and help.